Is it too much to ask?

....for:

1.) chocolate to be a weight loss product?

2.) my children to listen to me?

3.) my dogs to not take forfrickenever to answer the call of nature when it's hotter than the seventh ring of hell?

4.) coffee to wake me up and not make me feel like I drank nuclear waste?

5.) for me to look at the calendar before posting a blog specific to a particular day of the week?

Apparently so, 'cause chocolate is less than physically flattering, my children act as if I speak Japanese, my dogs happily ignore the urgent need to pee in favor of exploring a turtle when I have them on a leash and it's 1206 degrees outside, coffee has a severe dislike for my stomach, and my days are thrown off and all day long I thought it was Monday (hence why I posted a blog about what is normally a Monday tradition in our home, when it is in fact, duh, Tuesday.)

*stalks off*

How We Make Mondays Bearable

This blog post is brought to you by a dorktacular texting conversation I just had with my husband.

Almost every Monday, we end up having Digiorno's pizza for dinner. Hubby works late so he doesn't have his dinner until around 11 when he gets home. Every Monday evening, however, he texts and asks if we're having pizza for dinner, and being the smart ass that I am, I have to give him an off the wall answer every time. I originally started off ages ago answering with something like, "No, dork. We're having filet mignon and lobster bisque." Since then, I started getting more outrageous and it's almost a challenge every week to see how I answer. Warning...this conversation has a bit of an "ewww" factor. Ye be warned.

Below is our conversation from this afternoon:

Hubby: Pizza tonight?

Me: Nope. Deep fried chihuahua served over rice pilaf sprinkled with duck urine. Sherbert for dessert.

Hubby: Hope you got fat ones. Those small ones have no meat on their bones. And please tell me you got a good price on the duck urine. It's in season.

Me: Oh, I had to haggle, but I managed to get it for next to nothing...and fresh! By the way, pay no attention to Daffy in the bathroom. He only quacks when he's nervous.

Hubby: As long as it's male. Females leave a bad aftertaste. You remember last time.

.........Bon apetit!